Grandchildren
Justin and Aine in northern Pennsylvania
They say genes skip generations. Maybe that’s why grandparents find their grandchildren so likeable. ~Joan McIntosh
“Let me tell you about MY grandchildren!” Words that start a chain reaction from your ears and end in your feet as you fight the urge to run as fast as you can away from a proud grandparent. As a father of four boys I am very proud of them and how they are truly decent guys. Being there as they grew up was for the most part fun but the fun is tempered by the responsibility that weighs on you as a parent. With grandchildren that weight is lightened a great deal. Actions that as a parent would cause a reprimand is admired as a great feat by the grandparent. Discipline is second only to love in the realm of parenthood. Not so in grandparenthood. Not that a grandparent should undermine the parents discipline but rather provide comfort while supporting the parent. And this is not to say that a grandparent shouldn’t discipline a grandchild when it is needed. I will be honest though, my discipline could be considered self serving. When Justin was younger he was quite rambunctious and it would reach a point when he would start to be a nuisance so I instituted a “pop-pop timeout” which meant he would have to sit on my lap for a period of time. I would hold him until I could feel him settle down; I imagine not too different then breaking a wild stallion. Sometimes all he needed was a little break and other times we would end up wrestling and goofing off. I enjoyed those times and as he has gotten older and more relaxed he will come over and ask to sit on my lap. I believe it is more comforting to me than to him. His sister Aine´ is not as rowdy as he was at her age but she is as cute as a button; smart as a whip and stubborn as a donkey. She does share a trait with her brother; she is able to produce gold coins filled with chocolate out of her ears when she is good. This has been going on with her brother for a while and it recently started with her. After a while she will come up to me and say “pop-pop chocolate ears?” and twist head so I can check her ear. How can one resist? And when I don’t see one she gets a heartbreaking sad look that it takes all my might to not look again and find one. Does she have me wrapped around her little finger? I am afraid I won’t be the last male that happens too.
Now what do I do?
Our latest grandchild Evie (Evelyn) is only about 8 months old but has an old demeanor. She has a beautiful happy smile and her big eyes study everything. The difference between her and her cousins is like night and day; but she is just starting to get her walking down so she isn’t as mobile. You can see the determination in her eyes as she progresses in her movements and when she discovers the liberty that movement brings; Katie bar the door. We do not see her as much as Justin and Ainé but her mom sends us pictures and videos of her often and when we do see her the changes are more pronounced. I never wanted a girl as a child – boys are easier maintenance but I am glad that I have grand-daughters along with my grandson. I do feel for my sons who will have to deal with the concerns of raising girls and overjoyed that they have them!
Well now… let me tell you about MY grandchilden…they have so much fun when they are with YOUR grandchildren. Lola said to me she wished I was her mother. When I asked why she said I was the best mommom ever, and if I was that as a mommom, I would make the best mom ever. HAHAHAH..my kids would definitely have something to say about that one. I explained to her the difference between moms and mommom’s and she sat quietly for a moment and then she asked if she could live with me. I explained that her mother wouldn’t like it, but, when she got older, there is a room with her name on the door if she wanted it. That made her very happy, but, I was curious, I asked her what about living with daddy. Her response, “oh mommom, I’ll live with him after you die”. Sometimes, children see their grandparents as a safe haven from the stress they experience at home. She knows I will be there for her as much as I can for as long as I can. As a grandparent, and I’m talking from my experience, raising a grandchild for any amount of time, is a lot different that raising our own. perhaps it’s because there is no stress on us, to produce “perfect” children and we’re more relaxed. Not to say, there is no discipline but we put everything in perspective now..what was once a big deal, really wasn’t. Time out?? I’ve used it, but counting to 3 and never getting there, generally worked well for me. Chris would start counting to 5 (he had more patience) and he never got past 4 before she listened. But, when we were doing counting one day, we counted to 10. She stopped and said with concern, “mommom, I think you better teach daddy his numbers, he doesn’t know anything past 4”. She says whats on her mind but at the same time, she is very thoughtful. Our grandsons are quite the opposite..we don’t see them that much, but, they couldn’t care less about anything except “what’s there to eat?” Daniel has his many girlfriends at daycare and Brandon and John have their sports. Brandon is quiet and stays in the background for the most part, while, John on the other hand, is quite mouthy and stands his ground (even against his mother and I love it!). Daniel will be easy going but I imagine very stubborn. No offense to the other gene pools that are included in my family mix, but, the RYAN genes are VERY prevalent in this gang..and boy, do I enjoy THAT. I will never forget what one nurse said to me after Brandon was born and I was in 7th heaven….”ahhhh..you’ll see…if you knew grandchildren would be so much fun..you would wonder why you didn’t have them first!” The best part, when they get to much…YOU CAN SEND THEM HOME!